Name the expectations out loud
Unstated rules are hard to refuse. Getting them into words, specifically and unkindly, is the first thing that makes them optional.
Being managed by everyone's expectations is not your personality.
Therapy for women in their twenties and thirties working out who they are underneath what they were told to be. Virtual throughout New York and Vermont, in person in Patchogue.
Book a free consult
Fifteen minutes, free, and nothing to prepare.
Prefer to call or text? 631-371-4888
- Focus
- Identity, self-worth, appearance pressure, relationships and expectation.
- Methods
- Relational, CBT, Internal Family Systems and somatic work.
- Who
- Gen Z and Millennial women.
- Sessions
- Virtual across New York and Vermont, in person in Patchogue.
Insurance & payment
Select New York plans accepted: Aetna, Northwell Direct, UnitedHealthcare and Optum. Vermont clients and anyone out of network are private pay, and a sliding scale is available.
The particular weight of it
Be impressive, be easy to be around, and make it look effortless.
The instructions contradict each other, and they are rarely stated out loud, which makes them very hard to argue with. Most women arrive having internalized them as their own standards.
- Being ambitious and worrying that ambition reads badly.
- Managing how you come across in almost every room.
- Feeling watched, and dressing for that feeling.
- Being told you are too much and too sensitive by the same people.
- Doing the emotional work in most of your relationships.
- Not being sure which of your preferences are actually yours.
How the work goes
Separate what you absorbed from what you believe.
Look at where they were learned
Family, culture, school, social media, and the particular messages you received about being a girl. Not to assign blame, but because it explains the automation.
Find your own position
Some of it you will keep. The point is not rejection of everything, it is having a view you arrived at rather than one you inherited.
Hold it under pressure
The test is family gatherings, workplaces and relationships where the old expectations are still in force. That is where the work is practiced.
Who this is for
A broad heading, and specific work.
Women's issues is a wide label, and in practice this is therapy for what tends to arrive together in your twenties and thirties: identity, self-worth, appearance, relationships and the expectations layered over all of them.
If you know exactly what you want to work on, the more specific pages will fit better: body image, anxiety, self-esteem, perfectionism and people pleasing, relationships, life transitions and trauma each have their own. If it is all of it at once and hard to separate, this is a reasonable place to start.
Common questions
A few honest things before you book.
- Do you only work with women?
- My practice is focused on Gen Z and Millennial women, and that focus shapes how I work. If you are unsure whether you are a fit, the free consult is the honest way to find out.
- Do I need one clear issue before booking?
- No. A lot of people start with something closer to a general sense that things are heavier than they should be, and part of early sessions is working out what is actually going on.
- Is this therapy about feminism?
- It is about you. Cultural expectations come up because they are genuinely part of the pressure, but the work is your particular life rather than a political position.
- Do you see teenagers?
- My work is with adults. For anyone under eighteen, a therapist who specializes in adolescents is a better fit, and I am happy to point you toward looking for one.
Related
What else I work on, and where.
- Self-esteem and self-worthThe inner critic, approval seeking, and worth that moves with feedback.
- AnxietyOverthinking, anticipation, social anxiety and physical tension.
- Eating disordersRestriction, food guilt, compensating, and rules that keep multiplying.
- Perfectionism and people pleasingPerfectionism, people pleasing, boundaries and the fear of being too much.
- Relationship issuesAttachment patterns, over-giving, jealousy and losing yourself in a relationship.
- Life transitionsGraduating, moving, career changes, breakups and identity shifts.
You can bring all of it, even the parts that contradict.
Fifteen minutes, free, and it does not have to be organized before you get here.
Book a free consult
Prefer to call or text? 631-371-4888
Insurance accepted for select New York plans: Aetna, Northwell Direct, UnitedHealthcare and Optum. Private pay and sliding scale available everywhere, including Vermont.